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August 21, 2007

Another one of those days.

I got home and the power has flickered in and out about 15 times, reseting the tv which then blasts the classical music channel at it's loudest setting until I can get my hands on the remote. It's not a big deal but it's the little frustrations that push you over the edge.

Speaking of which, I'm working, trying to get through our ever-increasing workload and Oracle freezes up for no reason. So I will pause to purge what is left of my rational thoughts.

Accountability is one of my pet peeves. Today I hit my tolerance for the bullshit. I unleashed on someone somewhat uninvolved and spent the remainder of the day being a right bitch. I've taken and I've taken and I've listened and I've listened and I've kept some semblence of a professional smile on my face. All the while, the anti-accountability campaign flourishes. The work shifts to me. Seriously. And I get no extra budget, no headcount for cleaning up the work that another team doesn't have the "bandwidth" to handle. My "bandwidth" is irrelevant.

Still frozen

I feel very taken for granted right now. I feel overlooked. I feel undervalued. I feel like I work very hard to become that person who is expected to be a perpetual cog, always there, always being what you need her to be. I told Beau the other day that to keep me happy, I need to feel unique and uniquely valued, irreplaceable, a precious snowflake like no other that has been or will be. I assume that's why I do the things I do. But I don't get my desired return on investment. Not in the end at least. No one wants a doormat and becoming the perfect ... employee, boss, wife, friend, neighbor ... becoming so low maintenence that you require no maintenance can be the same as becoming a doormat.

Predictable. Expected. Unspecial. Overlooked. Taken for granted.

ShaeSin Ranted at August 21, 2007 9:36 PM